How to Make Thin-Crust Pizza for Dough-Troubled and Baffled People

Makes 1-2 Pizza crusts, depending on size and how much skill you have at rolling out dough:

3/4 cup WARM water

2 cups of flour

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon white sugar

1 teaspoon active, dry, completely necessary yeast

Olive oil

Tomato sauce(not spaghetti sauce, unseasoned if possible), basil, oregano, garlic, salt, and sugar or store-bought pizza sauce if you are too lazy. Enough sauce for a Pizza. Figure it out, it changes every time.

Mozzarella cheese: Make sure you have more than you think you will actually need. 

Preferred pizza toppings: Pepperoni, olives, sausage, Canadian bacon(YAY), or just cheese if you really want that.

This is why the dough is so easy:

Step one:

1. Put the following ingredients in a bread machine in the following order:
1. Water
2. Flour
3. Salt and Sugar
4. Yeast
2. Put bread machine on dough setting
1. Make sure you did not put it on a bread setting
2. Make sure it is not on the same power circuit as too many other objects, as you may blow the switch off
3. While it is almost done: 
1. Put plain sauce in a pot on the stove, heat it up, add a small amount of basil, same amount as oregano, much more garlic than both, salt if necessary, and sugar if desired. Quantities will vary. Add to taste and sight.
2. OR stare at your bottle of store-bought sauce for 15 minutes. Is necessary for those who used it only because it was easier, and not because of time restraints or other factors.
3. Preheat oven to 426 Fahrenheit. 425 is fine, but use 426 to be precise. Or not. 
4. Roll out dough on to desired amount and size of pizzas. I recommend using cornmeal on a pizza stone, but using only olive oil on, say, the pizza pans with holes is also okay. Never use vegetable oil on pizza, always use olive oil; it is sinful any other way. Flatten out the pizza, and try to make sure the edges are higher than any other part to prevent grease from falling on the pan and setting off your smoke detectors. This used to be a major problem in my household, but my current house does not seem to have smoke detectors, and I am not sure if there is even a fire code here that relates to it.
5. After oil has been applied, cook for 5 minutes in the oven with just oil. 
6. Apply sauce  evenly. Do not let it spill on the pan or it will set off your smoke detectors, unless you live in my house.
7. Apply cheese and toppings(Canadian Bacon and Black Olive is my favorite)
8. Cook in oven(426 Fahrenheit) for 10 minutes, and then keep putting it in for 1-2 minute increments until it is done.
9. Do not eat with Ranch Dressing, Ketchup, or a fork(Brazilians...).
10. I only put this step here so it would be an even 10. Credit to someone called "Healthy Boy" on Allrecipes for the Bread machine dough recipe. The Original Recipe is Here. Use fresh herbs on sauce if possible. Step 9 is essential, just like all of the other steps.

Cornbread

One would think that a simple cornbread recipe would not be hard to find.

One would be wrong.

Of course, nothing tops mom's yellow cake mix + jiffy cornbread mix approach.

But if you don't have the packaged goods on hand (and I think that will be the case for us for the next few years), this one hits the spot:

2 cups flour
2 cups cornmeal
1-1/3 cup sugar
2 tsp salt
6 tsp baking powder
2 eggs
2 c milk
2/3 c oil

Greased 13x9, 30 minutes at 400 degrees.  Simple simple.

Best part is, you need a teaspoon measure, a cup measure, and a 1/3 cup measure.   Minimal dishes.  Second best part is, it's not green bean casserole.  So there, Mubba.

Serve with buttuh. And seerup.  Oh yes I did.

Funeral Potatoes Sans Cream of Soup

This comes from my friend Jenny Ball Tufford (over at Happy Hausfrau).  She was in LTYM with me last May and is quite fantastic.  They call these Roadside Potatoes in her family, but these will forever be funeral potatoes to me.  (Is that a Mormon thing?!)  Anyway, we've been cream of soup free for quite a while now (although I did find one last can of cream of mushroom in the back of the pantry last week.  Sending it to school for the next food drive, methinks, since Elsa the cat is more than willing to take care of the tuna we have).

Without further adieu, here you go:


1 (30 oz) package frozen hash brown potatoes, thawed
1/2 cup butter, melted
1 cup shredded Cheddar cheese (I use sharp)
1 cup grated parmesan cheese
3/4 cup half and half 
1 medium onion, grated (I just chop fine)
salt
pepper
paprika (I use an all purpose Penzy's spice)
additional 6 T. butter

Combine potaotes, melted butter, cheeses, cream, onion, salt and pepper. Spread mixture in a 9x13 inch well-greased baking dish. Sprinkle with paprika, dot w/ butter. Bake 350 degrees for 1 1/2 hours. Tastes like butter and self loathing.

Clementine Orange Cake and Carmelitas

One old, one new, these are a few of my favorite things.  I have had some requests for recipes, so here  you go.  I'm too lazy to upload pictures right now though.

I tried the Clementine Orange cake today.  It has a very light texture.  I can't take credit for it- I used a recipe from food network, but I did change it slightly.  Here you go:

5 clementines

6 eggs

1 cup + 2tablespoons sugar

2 1/3 cup flour (this is where the tweak is.  you are supposed to use ground almonds, but I don't keep those on hand and I wanted to do this today.  The almonds make it a bit lighter and change the flavor slightly, plus make it gluten free).

1 heaping tsp baking powder

1. Boil the clementines for two hours.  I know this seems like a long time, and make sure to put plenty of water in the pot.  

2. Preheat oven to 375.  Grease a springform pan (mine is 10 inches, the original recipe says to use an 8 inch one).  I also put wax paper in the bottom of mine to help the cake slide out after baking.

3. When the oranges are cool enough to touch them, puree them (yes, peel, that white stuff and everything).  If you have big seeds, pull out the seeds.  I used my immersion blender for this, but it works in a food processor.  I've read that you can also just chop them by hand and you'll just have a chunkier cake.

4. Beat the six eggs in a separate bowl.  I used my immersion blender for this step as well.  

6. Add sugar to the eggs.  (I used my immersion blender on this too).

7. Add the baking powder and flour, mix until it is well blended.  You'll recognize cake batter.

8.  Fold in the orange puree.  

9.  Pour into springform pan.  Bake for 30 minutes (if you are using the 8 inch pan, bake for closer to 45).  

10.  Allow to cool and then remove cake from pan.  I drizzled a powdered sugar/milk glaze on it while it was still warm and it seeped into the cake, giving it a little bit extra sweetness and moisture.

Guys, this was good. 12/28/13 ETA: the next day, this is even better.  

The other recipe I've been asked to share is for Carmelitas.  I used some other recipes to guide me, but tweaked it enough to call it my own.  Here you go.

2 cups flour

1 3/4 cups oats

1 1/2 cups brown sugar

1 tsp soda

1/2 tsp salt

Mix above ingredients.

Add 1 1/4 cup melted butter and squish together.  A crumbly mixture should form.

Press into a 13x9 pan and bake at 350 for about 10 minutes.  

In the meantime, unwrap 1-2 bags of soft caramels (I use the werthers brand, so these bags are a bit smaller than the other brands).  

In a microwave safe bowl microwave caramels and 1 tbsp of milk for 30 seconds.  Stir well.  Continue in microwave in 10 second spurts until caramel is completely melted and blended with the milk.  Add 2 tbsp of flour.

Pull the crust out of the oven and cover with 1 bag of dark chocolate chips.  Then drizzle caramel mixture over the chocolate chips.  Top with the other half of the oatmeal mixture.  Bake for 18 more minutes.

Allow to cool (if you can resist) before you cut, otherwise they get really, really gooey.  

Green Bean Casserole

Over the last year or two, Matt and I have completely phased out cream of whatever soups.  So this year, when we were presented with the task of Green Bean Casserole for Thanksgiving, I had to do some thinking.

I contacted my friend Lisa who went to culinary arts school.  She raised an eyebrow at me when I first asked her about green bean casserole, with a look of disgust similar to the one on Aaron's face as he is reading this.  I quickly explained that I needed to know how to do it without the nasty cream of mushroom soup.  She gave me a couple of basics, I took mental note and tried it out.  The first round wasn't that great (although better than it would be with the canned soup).  The second round turned out delightful.  Sadly, I didn't write down any exact measurements, but here's the gist:

1 container mushrooms
1/2 container of half and half
pepper
a couple baby spoonfuls of cornstarch
some water
3 cans of green beans
a couple dollops of sour cream
french fried onions

Sautee the mushrooms in a little bit of olive oil.  When they soften a bit, add the half and half and some pepper to taste.  Make a slurry with the cornstarch and water.  Make it pretty thick.  When the half and half and mushrooms are simmering pretty well, add the slurry.

In a casserole pan, empty the green beans.  Add the sour cream and about half of the onions.  Pour the mushroom sauce over it and mix well.  Top with the rest of the onions and bake at 350 for about 20 minutes.

You'll want to add salt to taste as well.  And these are particularly good the second day with a few spoonfuls of gravy.

Sweet Corn Restaurant Side

This is a re-creation of that scoop of sweet corn stuff they put on the side of your plate in Mexican Restaurants.  Don't know what it is called...

Beat together:
2 sticks butter
2/3 c corn flour (masa harina)
1/2 c water

Separate bowl mix:
1/2 c corn meal
2/3 c granulated sugar
1/4 c cream (I think milk would work)
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt

Merge the two along with a bag (approx 3 cups) of corn (frozen or fresh), lightly chopped.

Bake at 350 for 45 minutes in a 13 x 9 floating in another pan of water.

Brother Staples' Enchilada Sauce and Enchiladas

Sauce

1 lg. can Tomato Sauce​​​​​​½ the can full of water

¼ to ½ cup Chili Powder (or more)​​​​2/3 cup Corn Starch

¾ c. Sugar​​​​​​​¾ c. Vinegar

1 t. Oregano​​​​​​​1 t. cumin

1 t. Garlic Powder​​​​​​1 T. + ¾ t. Salt

¼ t. Pepper​​​​​​​2 -3 doz. Corn Tortillas

2 lbs. grated Cheese

Garnish:

1 medium Onion finely chopped

Shredded Lettuce

Sour Cream

Stir all dry ingredients together. Mix the tomato sauce and the water then add the dry ingredients.

Simmer on stove for several hours. While gravy is cooking get you tortillas ready and grate your cheese.

Finely chop 1 medium onion, shred lettuce and get out the sour cream.

Heat a flat skillet with oil and fry tortillas quickly on both sides (2 or 3 seconds is all).

Dip in the gravy on both sides, put on a plate and fill with cheese and onions if you want. Roll it up and put in a baking dish. Repeat until the pan is full and then spread some more gravy on top sprinkle with more grated cheese and onions and bake until the cheese melts.

Serve with whatever garnish you like and enjoy!